The Carpenter

The Carpenter     Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side, sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I 'm looking for a few days' work," he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?" "Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor. In fact, it's my younger brother! Last week there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us.  Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore." The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day -- measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job.  The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge .. A bridge that stretched from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, handrails and all! And the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched.. "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder. "No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother. "I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but I have many more bridges to build."     Remember This...   God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but He'll ask how many people you helped get where they needed to go.   God won't ask the square footage of your house, but He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.   God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, but He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.    God won't ask how many friends you had, but He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.   God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, but He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.   God won't ask about the color of your skin, but He'll ask about the content of your character.  God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation, but He'll  lovingly take you to your mansion in Heaven, and not to the gates of hell.  God won't ask how many people you forwarded this to, but He'll ask why you were ashamed to pass it on to your friends...

Cautiously Optimistic?

Katie seems to be doing better.

She isn't quite as clumsy, she is no longer groggy, and lethargic, and was reported to RUN up and down the back yard steps.

She isn't thrilled at the whole idea of being on a diet however. She has lost 4 pounds. Yay for the Goose!

I took her for a walk yesterday, just a short one, to see how it goes. She wasn't real excited at first, but as we got going she seemed okay.

I took Ozzy on a walk too - total different experience. He wanted to GO GO GO GO GO 100 miles per hour.

Both are doing the go for a walk thing tonight after work again.

thanks for the positive thoughts, prayers and love.

April

Favorite Quotations

Favorite Quotations

I don't know what that means....Temperance Brennan

Now you know what I do for an encore....Elvis Presley in King Creole

It doesn't matter where you work, or what you're doing, there will always be someone or something there you don't like. - Dad -

If you want something badly enough, if you work hard, you can make it happen - Dad -

Its important to remember when praying to God, sometimes God says no. - Mom -

What is in my mind today

Rommy Bear and Katie Goose

2 years ago today, this morning, my Rommy Bear crossed the rainbow bridge.

Last week, my sweet Katie Goose began to have seizures in her sleep. John and I took her to the vet, they have her on phenabarbital. Since being put on this she has not had any other seizures. They did a complete blood work up, and her liver, kidneys and everything else are normal. Good news for a 12 year old sweetheart. She HAS however gained 6 pounds in 2 months - which is a LOT for a little dog like her. She is up to 25 pounds, and should be 16-19. On a diet now.

The drug that Katie is on makes her very sleepy, groggy, and clumsy. The vet assured us that those symptoms should fade in 2 weeks.

I have to carry her when she is really bad outside to potty.

I am struggling with this.

Am I being selfish? I don't want to keep Katie alive if her quality of life is going to be like this, but how long do I wait until facing that decision? More importantly, will my sanity make it that long?

I can't stop crying. I'm not eating. Not drinking. Barely sleeping. Anxiety and panic along with OCD is constant.

If this is how I feel now, how I am going to feel when she does go to be with Rommy?

What happens if she dies on a weekend and the Vet isn't open? Where to I take her little body for creamation? I can't put my baby in a garbage bag...and wait until they open.

I know that she can't stay and I know I can't go with her.

My heart is breaking.

Lesson from Sharon Gammell

Here is a lesson that Sharon Gammell taught me not long ago. Wise words Sharon.

You can do anything that you set your mind to.

You are the author of your own life .

You have the ability to change your life.

You have unlimited potential !

You are a living magnet.

You literally attract the things , people , ideas , and circumstances to you that vibrate and resonate at the same energy frequency as yours.Your energy field changes constantly , based on your thoughts and feelings , and the universe acts like a mirror , sending back a reflection of the energy that you are projecting.The stronger and more intense your thoughts and emotions are , the greater the magnetic pull becomes.Now , this is not a process that requires any real effort ; a magnet doesn't ''try'' to attract anything-it simple does , and so do you !You are always in the process of attracting something into your life.

Do you realize that your life at this very moment is the result  of everything that you have ever thought , done , believed , or felt up until now ?You can start right now to consciously and deliberately attract whatever you desire in this lifetime.

Katie Goose

This morning at 3am Katie was laying next to me, and woke me when she had a seizure.  

It lasted a few minutes, her little tongue was sticking out a little, and she was drooling.

 She was a little tired for a bit after, then she got up, got a drink of water, wanted to go potty outside, wanted a cookie, then hopped back up on the bed to lick. (she licks everything). 

I called the Vet, they said that sometimes in older dogs, they can develop epilepsy. 

Its nothing I did wrong, and it doesn't mean she is going to die tomorrow.  

If she has another one this week, I should bring her in for blood work, but she probably (hopefully), won't have one for a few months, but to just watch her. 

I've been crying all morning.

To those heartless souls who "get rid of" their pets:

Kneeful update

Hi Guys,

Well, I have kneeful news.

I met with this super awesome specialist, one of the top knee surgeons in the State of Minnesota on Tuesday, where she and another collegue surgeon as well as a nurse did a battery of tests on my knee.

Good News: I have not lost any strength at all in my knee, leg, or butt. YAY me.

That's about as far as the good news goes.

If I am really lucky, I tore my ACL again. (uplifting thought huh?)

If I am not so lucky, I stretched the replacement ACL out.

Not so lucky, you wonder? Why not so lucky?

SIGH.

Well, because one of the treatment options for that would be to cut a chunk of my tibia off, and put the whole mess back together again, thus preventing my knee from hyperextending, and causing further problems.

Doesn't that sound just horrible? I can't imagine not only the pain levels but the rehab for that. Yikes!

Hence my statement of if I am LUCKY, all I did was tear my ACL. Then I'll have another round of ACL surgery.

Who wants to get the gun to take me out back?

Anyway, I have to schedule a MRI so they can see what's what.

.....hey....maybe I'll get upgraded parking?

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and accepting what has happened because it will not change. 

Forgiveness is dismissing the blame. 

Choices were made that caused the hurt; 

We each could have chosen differently, but we didn't.

Forgiveness is looking at the pain, learning the lessons it has produced, and understanding what we have learned. 

Forgiveness is starting over with the knowledge that I have gained.

I Wanna Be Johnny's Girl

A song just played on my iphone and it made me recall this.

There is this one hit wonder called: "Bobby's Girl" by Marcie Blane from the 60's.

When I FIRST met John, I was 18, going on 19, and I'd walk around the house (I lived at home), and I'd sing the lyrics, except I'd change it from "Bobby's Girl" to "Johnny's girl"

there is this one part of the song where the back ground singers are singing:

"Your not a kid anymore...."

On the icing on my birthday cake when I turned 19, Mom had the bakers write:

"Your not a kid anymore"....

Here are the lyrics to that song:

(You're not a kid anymore)
(You're not a kid anymore)

When people ask of me
What would you like to be
Now that your not a kid anymore
(You're not a kid anymore)

I know just what to say
I answer right away
There's just one thing
I've been wishing for...

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
That's the most important thing to me...

And if I was Bobby's girl
If I was Bobby's girl
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be

Each night I sit at home
Hoping that he will phone
But I know Bobby has someone else
(You're not a kid anymore)

Still in my heart I pray
There soon will come the day
When I will have him all to myself...

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
That's the most important thing to me...

And if I was Bobby's girl
If I was Bobby's girl
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl

Well....

Doctor called back with the CT scan results, as well as with the pathology report from the colonoscopy.

Good news, no problem they can detect with the esophagus / stomach. Why the narrowing then? Its an allergic reaction to a food that I've developed an allergy to. I've narrowed it down to dairy.

Bad news...

Well..

Bad news is my liver has fat deposits on it - so that means I have to get off my ass and get more exercise and eat better.  I would like to bitch for a second on this issue though - how exactly am I suppose to successfully loose weight if I can't eat fruits and vegetables? Whatever. I'll find a way. I'll just hang out with my pal Elliptical more.

Other bad news...

The biopsies they took are still precancerous. These cells turn into cancer.

I asked the doctor how they deal with that, if it turns into cancer? His response? Colon removal.

Okay.

We all know how I feel about that.

I told the doctor that surgery is not an option.

He said he knows that is how I feel, so their new plan is to do a colonoscopy every 6 months instead of every year.

Doesn't that sound fun?

He also said he wants to discuss the pathology report with a few other colleagues further and he'll call me back in 7-10 days. (to tell me what? I didn't ask).

I'm sort of crabby about all this. Not sad, not upset. Just....crabby.

Not going to be a bag lady. Nope.

Not sorry either.

Hot Blooded (Acoustic)

htt

Solid Food!

Great news!

I've been cleared to eat SOLID FOOD.

I only have a 30 minute lunch, so my options are limited - since there are mostly only fast food places around here.

Burger King
McDonalds
Perkins
Culvers
IHOP
India Palace
Caribou
Jimmy Johns
Subway

So far, Subway is winning.

Healthy April Update

Hi Guys,

I forgot to update you on my Crohn's saga.

Yesterday morning the doc called me to see how I was doing, any recurring bloody scenes, etc.

I told him no, all was quiet on that front.

He said to stay on the liquid diet and we don't have to do the colonoscopy. (which I was doing without sedation, since I had no driver and wasn't going to miss any more work), so I was pleased about that decision, although not so excited about the liquid diet part. When you're hungry and haven't eaten in a few days the last thing you want is broth or tea. I want a cheese burger or a plate of spaghetti.

So yesterday went fine. After work I went to my friend Kim's house for dinner. She had her tonsils out and is on a liquid diet too, so we had protein shakes together. So filling. So delicious.  . . sort of.

I am suppose to get a call from the Doc this morning to check in and (hopefully) release me from the liquid diet.

I was marveling to John how attentive and caring this doc seemed. John scoffed.

"This guy is just worried he screwed up and you'll bleed to death and die then I'll slap him with a malpractice suit for wrongful death".

Well....

I guess I hadn't thought of that.

During the procedure the doc did take 30-35 biopsies throughout the large intestine (that seems excessive to me, but I didn't go to medical school, so I'll give him a pass on that one), and he did take 2 huge polyps out...I am still waiting on the pathology report on that one.

Anyway, lets hope for good news.

Tomorrow is CAT scan day. Scanning my esophagus and stomach. Esophagus is narrowing and stomach lining is inflammed. Damn am I a fine, healthy chick or what? LOL.

Still not a bag lady, so W I N N I N G. (Charlie Sheen voice)

Miller Matykiewicz Campbell Dargiewicz Osbourne family anthem

If you're a member of my family, its a given, if not a requirement that you not only know this song well, but the lyrics backwards and forwards.

An evening in the ER

Hi guys,

So as you all have read, I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy last friday.  Nothing very exciting happened afterward, nothing unsual. Until yesterday afternoon.

I had a can of soup for lunch, not a bowl of shards of glass with a side of razor blades.

I went to the bathroom, and the entire toilet was filled with blood. Like....horror story blood. Wow. That surprised me a little, (since I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago!).

I didn't really think it was an emergency because I felt fine. No pain, not dizzy. Sure, a little tired, but fine.

I figured I'd email the doc just in case.

Okay about 2 hours after I emailed the doc, same thing happened when I went to the bathroom. Hm. Not good.

Doc's nurse called me back. Said to go on a liquid diet (oh goody), and if it happens again, go to the ER. (sigh)

Okay.

Less then 3 minutes later the Doctor himself called me back and said to go to the ER. Great.

I went to the ER (and as a side note the Doc called my cell phone 3 more times, but I wasn't able to answer).

So they checked my hemoglobin, blood flow, and gave me IV fluids and the ER talked to the Doc, who is doing another colonoscopy on me today to figure out what the hell the problem is.

In the mean time I feel guilty as hell for making the people I love worry about me. I hate it when people make a big deal over me. It makes me uncomfortable.

I'm also hungry.

But hey....It could be worse right? I am not a bag lady.

Sharon Gammell

I know she is gone. I know I will see her again someday.

But I miss her so much.

I think about her at least every day. I see those little "laughing cow" cheeses at Cub and it makes me want to cry. She use to give those to us when we'd go to Thayers. I am to the point I avoid that section so I don't see them and want to cry.

As my days go by, I think "Oh, I should email Sharon about this and tell her about it, or see what she thinks".....then I remember she is gone.

I was riding in the car with John somewhere this weekend, and I thought I saw her out there  on the sidewalk. But of course it wasn't her.

:(

The Rainbow Bridge

I don't know if this is real or not, but it looks exactly what I have in my mind where the Rainbow Bridge is, where I know I'll be spending 90% of my time when I get Home.  

Once is Enough

Once Is Enough by Elvis Presley


All you got is one life
Living once can be rough
But if you live every day all the way
Once is enough

You can own just one suit
Worn and torn at the cuff
But if youre livin the life that you love
Once is enough

Whats the good of reaching ninety
If you waste eighty-nine
You got one life so live it
If you dont its a crime

Lifes a playful puppy
You can grab by the scruff
And if you live every sec what the heck
Once is enough

Never wait until tomorrow
What if it never comes
Life is a seven layer
Dont you settle for crumbs

Lifes a playful puppy
You can grab by the scruff
And if you live every sec what the heck
Once is enough

Too Late

His Latest Flame

Take me out back and shoot me....

Greetings

Well, yesterday was my colonoscopy and endoscopy.

As expected, the colonoscopy was the same ol same ol. Biopsies taken. Sent to lab. Don't call us, we'll call you. Only difference this time was they shot a bunch of blue dye in there so it looked like I ate a smurf. (When I told this to John, he suggested it was probably Clumsy Smurf, I concur).

Anyway, I had my first upper endoscopy. From everything I've read and heard, it should have been a breeze. (cue forboding music).

Okay. So they did the endoscopy 2nd, since I already would have had sedatives in me, to help pave the way.

The doctor shot some crappy tasting stuff in the back of my throat, and put some sort of mouth guard in. (so I woudln't bite someone?)

I didn't quietly relax as they did this, as I'd feared. Dispite the numbing stuff, I still gagged and struggled. It was horrible. They wound up giving me more sedatives, and thats about all I remember. I do remember hearing them tell me a few times: "April, you need to keep breathing, come on, big deep breaths".

I read over the medical gibberish that was given to me when I was sent home. I had to get a special decoder ring to understand it, and still I am perplexed. Nothing different on the Crohns thing, but the other end, from what I gather, my stomach is inflamed, and part of my esophagus is narrowing. (wtf?)

So I have a cat scan next friday morning to check out the esophagus deal. Then the week after that I get to meet with the doc to see what all this crap means.

Like I said.....time to take me out back and shoot me.....